Nice place to work....NOT

DRESS CODE: It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary.




If we see you wearing $350 Prada sneakers, and carrying a $600 Gucci Bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need pay rise.



If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay rise.



If you dress in-between, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need pay rise.



SICK DAYS: We will no longer accept a doctor''s statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.



PERSONAL DAYS: Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.



TOILET USE: Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict 3 minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open and a picture will be taken.



After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.



LUNCH BREAK: Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that''s all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast.



Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation, and input should be directed elsewhere.

If love is blind

......why is lingerie so popular?

Things that make you go What the???

Don't Mess with Old People

George Phillips of Meridian, Mississippi was going up to bed
when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed,
which she could see from the bedroom window.

George opened the back door to go turn off the light but saw
that there were people in the shed stealing things.

He phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?" and
he said "no". Then they said that all patrols were busy, and that he
should simply lock his door and an officer would be along when
available. George said, "Okay," hung up, counted to 30, and phoned
the police again.

"Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were
people stealing things from my shed Well, you don't have to worry about
them now because I've just shot them." Then he hung up.

Within five minuteses three police cars, an Armed Response Unit,
and an ambulance showed up at the Phillips' residence and caught the
burglars red-handed.

One of the Policemen said to George: "I thought you said that you'd shot them!"
George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"

(True Story) I LOVE IT - Don't mess with old people!!